I hate my body, but it’s not my fault.
It’s the MAGAZINES’ fault, cos they publish pictures of thin people.
It’s HOLLYWOOD’s fault, because they choose to depict an aspirational lifestyle.
It’s FASHION’s fault, because they make clothes I can’t fit into.
I’m going to tweet about it angrily, right after I tweet about how hungover I am from last night’s wine and food tasting, where I ate seven courses excluding dessert, drank a bottle and half of wine, drank 3 shooters and smoked half a pack of cigarettes.
I’m sick of having to hate my body because of the media.
Enough is enough.
I hate my body, but it’s not my fault.
It’s the ADVERTISER’S FAULT, and it’s THE GYM’S fault, for only showing pictures of slim healthy people, even though it logically makes sense because they are trying to talk to people who value being slim and healthy.
They make me feel fat and disgusting.
So do those skinny bitches who tweet about ‘how much they love running’.
I hate running and I hate anything to do with exercise.
I especially hate people who talk about it.
I hope you drown in your own sweat or get strangled by your monokini and stop making me feel like shit because I can walk up a flight of stairs without breaking a sweat.
The problem isn’t THAT I DON’T EXERCISE.
The problem is that SO MANY OF THOSE AWFUL SKINNY PEOPLE DO, AND I HATE THEM.
I hate my body, but it’s not my fault.
It’s KFC’s fault for serving such TEMPTING DELICIOUS FOODS.
And it’s VEGETABLES’ fault for being so not-filled with salt and addictive flavourants and fried in fat.
It’s those adverts for WEIGHT LOSS AIDS’ fault.
Why should companies make money out of HELPING PEOPLE BE HEALTHIER? BASTARDS.
Why should I EAT LESS? The media is FILLED with things telling me to eat less.
Well I’ll show the media I have my own mind by EATING MORE.
Take that media!
And when I’m done eating more than is healthy for my height and size, I am going to slag the media off for making me feel so shit about my body.
I hate my body, but it’s not my fault.
Sure, I smoke, but if you’re gonna lecture me about how ‘bad smoking is for your lungs and overall body functioning’ then PUH LEEEEEEZE get out of here you self-righteous new age ponce.
Smoking is my THING, okay? So is drinking. And eating.
So what if instead of dealing with issues in my life I prefer to EAT UNTIL I’M IN A CARB COMA.
And SO WHAT if my big nights out make me feel like a rat that got run over on Long Street.
SO WHAT if two bottles of wine, five shooters and 4 cocktails contains more than three times the average adult human’s daily calorie allowance. I LIKE TO HAVE FUN OKAY.
It’s not MY DRINKING that’s the problem.
It’s magazines showing slim people looking happy that’s the problem.
My need to ABUSE THE MIRACLE OF NATURE THAT IS MY BODY is NOT why I feel filled with loathing every time I look in the mirror.
The fact that I wheeze every time I need to slightly exert myself is NOT why I hate my body.
I hate my body because of THE MEDIA AND THEIR CONSTANT REMINDER OF HOW GOOD HEALTH CAN LOOK.
They should be BANNED for showing slim people and an aspirational lifestyle. People who are good examples make me feel LIKE SHIT.
I hate my body, but it’s not my fault.
It’s EVERYBODY’S fault but my own.
