Brit Brit’s diary

20 Jun 2011, Posted by Cape Town Girl in CTG, Celebrity, What utter nonsense, music, 3 Comments

Dear Diary. Tuh-day was the first day of the new show. It was swell. Got all prettied up ‘n sparklay. Mah baybies jus lurve their mama all spangly. Wern I woz walking behind the stage, a nice man told me I look ‘like a walrus in a hairband’. I towld him I ha-haa! There ain’t no such thang as a walrus! It’s called a Wal-MART!” Silly billay. Brit brit

Dear Diareh. Y’all know I just had the best time up on stage. I done did my fancy tricks from when i woz a l’il girl. I lurve dem tricks cos my babehs always clap real hard when I do good. While I woz practisin’, my dance teacher said “Britannay honey, maybe you should try some new moves that are better suited to a woman of thirty.” I done laffed at hur! Don’t she know thirty is the new 21! Chic-it-tah! Brit Brit

Dear Diary. I just gone and had a thought. Did y’all ever thank ‘dear diaray’ sounds a byit like ‘dear diarrhoea”? Anyways so woz workin’ on mah triceps on stage this past show when some one done and yelled if I am pregnant. Well duh I ain’t! You can’t get pregnant if yur jump around 5 times after making love. I done read that in US Weekly. Din’t y’alls??????

Dear Diury

Today I rided a big fat ol’ gueetar, then I celebrated with some Fritos and Fanta Orange. Life is great y’all! Brit Brit

Dear Diary

Tuhday was average. Sometimes I feel like people are laffing ‘at me and not with me’. My shrink says ‘I am in my sad place’. Towld my daddy I was feelin’ fat. He done said “You are beautiful brit brit! Now put on that gold bikini and fake it til your check make it to your bank account.” Guess mah daddy is right. At least they don’t make me sing no more. Sometimes I wish I wuz still Daddy’s l’il girl again. Oh wait, legally, I aym! Life is great! Brit brit

Dear Diary. Been doing some thankin’ bout mah life. That Lady Gaga got me searching for meanin’ in mah wurk. So decided 2 wear this glitter nappy 2 express who I aym. PS I ate some McDonald’s for lunch. Don’t tell mah nutritionist. She thanks I wurk real hard at staying this skinny! But lucky I’m just blessed with a fast embolism. Brit Brit.