I is a Tibetan Mastiff

18 Mar 2011, Posted by Cape Town Girl in beasties, dawgs, hilarious, 1 Comments

oh hi dere
i is a tibetan mastiff, officially ‘da most expensive dog on da planet’
i looks like a lion that mated with a rottweiler
and i is vicious enough to kill a tiger
no matter
i is worth $500 000 (no lies, read da article)
which is like ten billion trillion dollars in dog money (the amount times 7 billion-point-four)

i is a tibetan mastiff
hope u like my hair
got it did at the dawg salon
just another day in my ‘overvalued animal life’
gonna push play on my dogiPod
listen 2 Florence & the machine
coz da ‘dog days r over’ for me

i is a tibetan mastiff
wait
where is my chew-chew??
it was just here
this is an OUTRAGE!
WHERE MY CHEW-CHEW HUMAN SLAVE?!!
gonna maul ur face while you sleep
2 ‘increase my book value’ (via being more vicious)
gonna get auctioned off 2 some1 who is ’serious bout me’

i is a tibetan mastiff
want my chew-chew
hold up buddy! don’t touch the hair okay????
think of each strand as a ‘downpayment on ur mortgage’
and you’ll be close to the truth

I is a tibetan mastiff
i is what ‘humans buy when they have bought everything else’
and while u sleep
i will drag ur Louis Vuitton Speedy out the cupboard
chew off the inner label (so ur friends think its fake)
and have my puppies in it
because i is a tibetan mAstiff
AND WANT MY CHEW-CHEW.